As Told by Tonya
moving in together

The TRUTH about moving in together

June 16, 2017 4 Comments

My fiancé and I recently moved in together. Before that, the last time I had shared a living space was in college. My memories are full of awkward situations and longing for alone time.

In Korea, I lived alone for 3 years and loved it. My personality is geared for lots of “ME” time!

So when the time came for us to move in together, I must admit I was a bit nervous. I shared my worries with my fiancé, assuring him that it was my nature and had nothing to do with him. I had been very used to my own space and sharing that space 24/7 with another person was going to be a challenge.


Breathtaking sunset near our new home!

Let me state that moving in with your significant other is very telling of who you truly are!

Most of the time you hear that moving in together will test the relationship, how strong you two are as a couple. For us, we already knew we were a strong couple and 100% committed. I personally wouldn’t recommend using moving in together as some sort of “test”. I feel you two should be past the “test” point and on to the “We are IN this together point” by the time you “shack up”.

I can’t imagine how awkward it would be to be unsure about my relationship and sharing my LIVING space.

Moving in together is so telling because it shows you how sacred (or not sacred lol) your living space is. Your habits, quirks, and faults all become very apparent. For me, I need things to be a certain way.

Yes, I am the stereotypical female partner that is particular about things being put away and in their proper place. Let’s just say my poor fiancé has a ton of eye-roll and ‘Seriously?!’ moments.

For me, my living space needs to be clean, simple and welcoming. Compromising on how we spend money, what to eat, who’s driving, who’s taking out the trash etc is easy. But compromising on how to arrange and maintain the apartment, is harder than it sounds.

white nightstand

I’m in love with having a clean, cute, and simple space 💖


One of our biggest disagreements is with indoor vs. outdoor clothes. If you watched my “Boyfriend Girlfriend Tag” video on YouTube, you know I can be mildly germophobic. In the video I expressed disgust for cellphones on the bed because of how filthy they are.

Naturally this issue came up again when we started cohabiting! In my mind, clothes worn outside (to the store, work, movies, etc) should be removed before getting on or in the bed. When this doesn’t happen I feel extremely anxious and uncomfortable.

My fiancé is very accommodating (not without a side-eye look of course 😂) but sometimes I know it was trying.

Very truthfully speaking, most of the issues that came up were because of me! I realized that my time living alone made me quite particular about things whereas my fiancé, although a clean guy (Thank God!), is much more relaxed.

Okay, so there are definitely some hurdles of moving in together that we are still dealing with but, what about the good?

While it may seem like a superficial thing, one aspect that my fiancé and I did agree on was the theme and look of the apartment. I think this is very important! Both of us really wanted a minimalist look, with clean whites, natural earth tones and touches of greenery. We are creating a vibe that sits well with us both!


A snippet of our apartment theme vision. Shout out to Philosophy products 😉

I think that clashing views of what the space should look like AND how to live in it would be too much and a clear sign that cohabitation may not be the best move.

The best thing about cohabitation is that my best friend is always there. After a long day of work, or on the weekends, we no longer need to Skype for two hours or take long bus rides to see each other. Having that special someone to share the good, bad and ugly with is a gift that I never want to take for granted.

Taco Night

Cooking yummy food together- a plus of cohabitation!

So the truth about moving in together is, it’s just another lesson in life and in your relationship. We are two different human beings who made a decision to share our existence together. We have to make a conscious decision and effort to blend our lives in order to preserve its precious being.



  1. Kimberly Danley

    June 18, 2017

    Hi Tonya: I hope you’re enjoying your new life out West. My sister lived in Tucson for quite a while. She liked the city (for Arizona, I think Tucson is a bit more liberal), there aren’t a lot of Black people there and I don’t think she ever felt completely comfortable there.

    Like you, my husband (then Fiancé) moved in with me after we got engaged. At the time, I wasn’t nervous at all about it (and I don’t know why cause I don’t like living with people). I only have one sister, I’ve never lived with a guy (or brothers), so I didn’t exactly know what I was getting into.
    I think at the time I was excited for us to be together “full time” and it was the next natural progression towards our marriage.

    That was before he moved in….

    Now, I’m not a germ person, but I am neat and organized. Guess what? He’s not! Ahhh Lawdddd, he moved into my cute lil house (a 1100 sq ft house) with all his “boy stuff” and just dumped it in my Family Room. He moved in during the day while I was at work – I came home to a mountain of his stuff all over the place…I was like what da world? Boy you gotta put all this stuff somewhere.
    My house was fully furnished, so luckily I was able to convince him to put his “furniture” (I put it in quotes cause cheap ugly stuff that smells hardly passes for furniture in my world), in storage. He brought a whole lot of other stuff besides clothes; so I gave him my spare bedroom just for him.

    The entire time we lived in my little house, that room looked like a 6 year old boy lived in there…food, clothes, papers, toys (why men have toys?)…just all that stuff was all over the room – I just kept the door closed. ‘Smh

    Did I tell you my husband has two kids? So of course they came along for the ride and right away (but at first they lived with their Mom and only came over every other weekend). Now there are 3 new people messing up my precious lil house. Oh my nerves…

    I used to get the eye roll over putting away dishes. Everything in the kitchen has its place. For some reason, when they put away the dishes, they always claimed they couldn’t figure out where some of the dishes or pots went. So my solution was to take pictures of the inside of my kitchen cabinets and put the pics on the inside of the cabinets – as a cabinet map! That way they would know where everything goes. #eyeroll Apparently, they didn’t appreciate my idea.

    Then came the noise. Oh my goodness how can 3 people make so much noise? My fiancé hysterically (and loudly) giggling over dumb guy jokes on TV (a television that’s up way too loud I might add) and two kids bickering over whatever kids bicker and argue about.
    Sometimes, I couldn’t take it. I’d feel like I had no place to go in my own house. Ashley’s in our bedroom on TV, the kids are in the Family Room on the TV – ummm that’s all the TV’s (this is pre-iPad days).
    So I’d go into my half bathroom (with my lil puppy and just chill) at least it was clean and quiet in there.

    It all worked out in the end. I learned to ease up on my need for everything to be perfect all the time. If it was just me -it would be – I sort of enjoy when my husband is away for just a few days (he travels occasionally for work) just so the house can be “my kind of clean” for a little while. Then, I always start to miss him.

    We eventually moved to a much bigger place and my kids are out on their own now. So we’ve settled into our normal day to day. We’ve learned to deal with each other.

    I enjoyed your blog! You and Stephen take care.


    • Tonya

      June 19, 2017

      No way!Such a small world:) Did she like it? How did she stay cool in this crazy weather?

      • Kim

        June 21, 2017

        Oh my goodness – it is a small world. Yes, my sister lived in Tucson and worked for Raytheon for about 8 years I think. Yeah, the heat is cray-cray! What she really was afraid of was the tarantulas, scorpions and snakes!

        We ARE NOT adventurous girls (me & my sis), she would tell us all sorts of stories about people at work and her co-workers finding crazy big snakes in their homes or their offices! Ahhh hells no! I told her, I don’t know how she worked there.

        Hey (I know you are new to the area) if you need a recommendation of a hair stylist or doctor (or anything) let me know and I’ll ask my sister if she has a recommendation for you. (Sisters gotta help our Sisters out! 😀)


        • Tonya

          June 21, 2017

          OMG Kim you are going to have to excuse me, I am new to blogging and I realized I didn’t see your whole comment on your previous one! I’m sitting here now reading it, laughing and relating! I really like your picture/pots/pans map idea haha. I may have to steal that one. I can’t imagine going from living alone to always having three people in a space that was once solely yours. I bet that was a challenge, I’m glad your were able to find your “women cave” lol. I think it is understandable that you enjoy some good ole alone time when your husband travels for work. We have to keep our sanity!

          And yes I think it is only a matter of time before I see a scorpion or something, I’m already freaked out by the HUGE cockroaches they have here, gosh they are so ugly. I so appreciate you looking out Kim <3 I probably will reach out to you in the future about hair salon recommendations 😉

          Can't tell you how happy it makes me that you enjoy the blog!

Comments are closed.